Clear the Roadblocks to Your Online Dating Success

Many women become online dating dropouts before giving it a chance to work. They may try a few free searches but never post a profile to make contact with a potential match. They may also stop short when it comes to adding a photo or completing the application. In our interviews, we found nine barriers.

Is one of these stopping you?

Shyness

Anne, a divorced teacher in her late 40s, is kind, sensitive, and intelligent—the very qualities any sensible man would want in a woman. But Anne is also shy and modest. Her daughter, Camilla, and our teams teamed up to get Anne online. We reassured her that she could be her sweet, quiet self and find plenty of men who would appreciate her. Camilla and our team helped Anne create a profile that painted a flattering yet truthful picture of her, including this: "I don't like to talk about myself much. I'd rather listen to what you have to say. Once I get to know you, though, you'll enjoy our thoughtful, funny conversations." Going online levels the dating playing field for introverts like Anne; she started with a pool of candidates who preferred the quiet type.

Waiting for Personal Improvement

"I want to get a facelift first."

"I plan to get my teeth whitened."

"I need to lose 25 pounds.

" I'm

All in favor of self-improvement, but your social life can move forward online while the metamorphosis takes place. I don't believe in waiting until everything about you is perfect. When my first husband and I split up, I looked the absolute worst of my life. And yet, I met someone wonderful, with whom I dated for a while and then corresponded for two years.

What if Someone I Know Sees my profile ad?

I work in a man's world, and if a client saw my ad, I think I'd be mortified." What would it mean if a client did see your profile? It would mean that he's probably an online dater like you! More than 15 million people over age 30 try online dating, so it's not as if you're by yourself in this. Compose a profile that keeps personal information to a minimum so there is nothing to embarrass you.

It's Not Romantic

We all hope for those effortless encounters. We're thrilled by stories of the strangers who sit together on a train and feel an instant connection. Know that these kinds of romantic fantasies can come true. I also know that being practical and helping Cupid out a little can be a better route to romance. Every online couple I know considers their story a modern romance.

Do you think it works?

Approximately 500 million people visit online dating sites each month, with 60 percent of them being men, and more than 40 percent of all visitors being over the age of 30. The best thing about this vast group is that it is comprised of people who self-identify as daters. They've taken the time and trouble to announce that they want to meet someone. The computer then takes this qualified pool of cooperative prospects and begins sorting them by age, geography, interests, pet ownership, smoking status, and other factors. By the time the electronic sorting is over, the millions may be down to hundreds or dozens. Or just one - the right one, the only one you need.

I'm Set in My Ways

"I like my freedom."

"I can buy what I want and do what I want when I want to.

" Many women.

Embrace independence so wholeheartedly that they box themselves into an uncompromising corner. The trouble with staying in the corner is that it doesn't offer room to expand. It's stifling after a while, and, of course, it gets lonely there.

I've Been Burned Before

I corresponded with a guy for weeks. When we met, he was nothing like I expected. I'll never waste my time again."

What in life works perfectly the first time you try it? I'm glad I don't give up easily. If I did, I never would have survived putting myself through college. Perseverance also paid off when I raked through a mountain of emails and a spate of dreadful dates until I hit pay dirt -- Walter. The adage "once burned, twice shy" doesn't mean stop and surrender. It's a caution to be thoughtful and learn something for next time. Please stay in the game and get him.

I'm Not Interested in Sex

If you watch television, you may believe that people our age are inveterate sex fiends. However, an estimated 25 percent of premenopausal women, and one in three menopausal women, have low sex drives, according to findings reported by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Indeed, a low sex drive is the most common sexual complaint made by women. And it doesn't make them any less loving and romantic. "No sex" does not equal no dates.

I Can't Get My Act Together

Many women want a more fulfilling dating life, but they struggle with setting priorities, staying organized, and taking the next step. Your happiness and well-being should always be a chief, if not the chief, goal. However, perhaps you haven't set goals for yourself in a while. It's standard in midlife to drift along until a crisis demands attention and renewed awareness. Could you wait for a shake-up to discover your hopes and aspirations? Conduct a self-review and, most importantly, write down your priorities in order of importance.

Create a plan to transform your thoughts into action. Break your goal down into small steps ("Write a headline for my profile," for example) and focus on completing one step a day or a week. Be sure to carry out the step at your peak time of day. Please don't put it off while you read your emails or listen to phone messages, the way many of us start our mornings. You'll get distracted and move on to other tasks. Could you put the most important things first on your agenda? Once you take that right step, the momentum of doing something positive will ignite your enthusiasm.

Now, could you get to it? Write your profile, post it with a great photo, and get on with the fun of discovering who might be out there waiting to meet you.