Darling, you must be mistaken
Sweetheart, it's just your imagination.
Gaslighting is a silent violence that can drive you crazy. So, family, let's figure out about aggressors and how not to become their victim. Gaslighting is a silent violence that can drive you crazy and is one of the most dangerous forms of non-verbal violence. First, understanding what is happening is not so easy. Second, it can seriously shake the victim's psyche, says Anna Sukhova's psycho diagnostics. Personal website. Gaslighting is emotional abuse through psychological manipulation. It is a harsh form of psychological pressure, abuse aimed at instilling doubt in the victim about their perception of everything happening around them, themselves, and other people.
The term has an interesting origin story - it emerged after the release of the 1944 film 'Gaslight' (Gaslighting) starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. According to the plot, the main character...Together with her husband, she returns to the house where her aunt, a famous opera prima, was once killed. The husband often leaves the woman alone at home, and after some time following his departure, the gas lights in the rooms begin to dim, and footsteps can be heard in the room where the deceased aunt's belongings are stored. The girl starts to feel that she is going insane, a belief her husband actively encourages. She stops trusting what she sees, cannot distinguish reality from illusion, and hallucination. It later turns out that the dimming light and noises in the room are his clever trick, which he intended to use to gain possession of the jewelry. Gaslighting is what it is in psychology. The thriller was warmly received by audiences and critics and won two Oscars — for Best Actress and for the work of art directors who recreated the dark spirit of the Victorian era. How gaslighting works is challenging to define. It's complicated: you are constantly misled, you start to doubt your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. If someone close to you regularly uses this complex manipulation, you will eventually stop trusting yourself. Denial of reality. The most banal example is the response of a partner caught flirting with another woman:
"Honey, you imagined it."
You know exactly that something unpleasant happened that touches your feelings or violates your rights, but you are convinced: "I didn't do that," "You twisted everything," "How could you think that about me," and so on. Moreover, he may recount the situation in such a way that you start to allow the thought – maybe it was just your imagination. The new interpretation of events seems absurd to you. But the more you delve into what the gaslighter says, the more you doubt yourself, experiencing deep feelings of guilt and fear. This is the first alarming bell, and if you haven't already fallen into the manipulator's traps, now is the time to remind yourself that you should trust, first and foremost, your sensations, the statement of your inadequacy. As soon as you begin to doubt what is happening, the gaslighter brings you to a new level, doing everything to convince you that something is wrong with you.
"Oh, I see you're not in the mood again."
"Just let's not have any hysteria." "You don’t need to throw a scene again." "You’re fine, you just seem a bit twitchy," and so on. Any manifestation of your emotions is interpreted as abnormal. And as soon as you start to justify yourself, heavy artillery comes into play — criticism, aggression. Your behavior is interpreted as inadequate and immoral. You develop insecurity in yourself and in what is happening, as well as tension, fear, and anxiety. Your memories are criticized and denied, as well as essential beliefs, ideas, and values. Blame shifting. Step number three — to instill in you a sense of guilt and carefully cultivate it.
Why is your marriage falling apart?
That's because you were selfish, thinking only of yourself while your partner was trying to preserve the sacred union. Why is he cheating on you or not spending the night at home? It’s simply impossible to be with you; you are always in a bad mood, and so on. By the way, it might not only be your partner; some mothers behave the same way. They will tell you things about yourself that will make you never want to go outside. The devaluation of you as a person is the cherry on top. "I had already given birth to two children and defended my thesis at your age," "sweetheart, you can't even cook, what can you do..." and so on. You are criticized in an insulting manner with exaggerations of your flaws, physical attributes, and character traits. The gaslighter also tries to isolate you from all of society, evaluating all your significant close ones as "not the right ones, insincere, dishonest," and you get confused about what is white and what is black. People with low self-esteem begin to perceive the critical opinion of the gaslighter as the only truth. And he always reminds you:
"No one will tell you the truth except for me."
Everyone around you only says what you want to hear. And I will tell you honestly. Just don't take offense, I care about you." As a result, the only opinion that the victim considers essential is the gaslighter's opinion, which is what he aimed for. Over time, living next to a gaslighter, you learn to catch his mood changes clearly and can predict his desires. Source: a still from the movie "Big Little Lies". Source: a still from the movie "Big Little Lies". How gaslighting affects us.
Once you become a victim of gaslighting, you go through three main stages:
. Denial - you justify the gaslighter, thinking he meant no harm.
. Resistance - you defend yourself, presenting arguments and reasoning.
. Dependence - only the gaslighter's opinion is genuine.
. You completely lose control of the situation.
Ways to combat gaslighting:
Maintain critical thinking. Look at the situation as if from the outside. It is this unbiased thinking that will help you.
Keep your identity intact. Communicate with people. Under no circumstances should you isolate yourself. Focus on the opinions of many, not just the truth of the gaslighter.
Seek help from a specialist. Undoubtedly, the assistance of a competent specialist will help you preserve yourself.
Eliminate the constant feeling of guilt; you cannot be guilty of everything and all the time. Try to view the situation without the emotions of self-blame.
Stop making excuses. Even if you are being accused, don’t get involved in this complicated manipulation. The gaslighter can think anything they want about you. Your opinion of yourself is the most honest.
End toxic relationships. This is the most optimal way to combat gaslighting. After freeing yourself from gaslighting, time is needed to recover your mental health. You need rest and a gentle attitude towards yourself. You should treat yourself like a child with a high fever. And allow and permit yourself joys and pleasures, without violence against your personality.
"Toxic parents" - how to understand what you have in your family. In the family, did the relationships not benefit your mental health?
