6 Steps to Overcoming a Breakup
The phone rings, and you hear the dreaded words "We need to talk." Then you get the knock on the door, your significant other comes in, and everything spirals down from there. The next thing you know, you're hearing. "We just aren't connecting the way we need to be," or something similar. Whatever the specific phrase is, someone has just broken up with you. Let's face it, it's never good to hear any form of the words "We need to break up." If you have just listened to those words, though, you need to know two things. First, this happens every day to people (not just you). Second, and more importantly, you can and will feel better.
Let's talk about what you can do not just temporarily to feel better, but to recover truly -- and learn from a breakup.
Here are six steps to get you totally over a breakup:
Ditch the "poor me" syndrome.
The first thing you need to do is stop thinking about all the things you could have done to prevent the breakup. Don't think about that one time you didn't call, or whatever you're thinking about in this mental mind game you will be tempted to put yourself through.
Instead, I'd like you to think deeply about why the relationship didn't work out. There is no single action that would have changed the outcome of the breakup. Breakups often result from a series of events. So dig deep and reflect on what this relationship was truly about, so that you can fully embrace the lessons it has to offer you. Please don't beat yourself up about it.
Avoid alcohol.
Right after a breakup, it may make you. It feels better to go out drinking with your friends and "trash talk" your ex. The next morning, however, you will feel even worse. It would be better for you to go out with your friends and do something fun that doesn't involve alcohol. Spend time with your friends, really talking about how you feel and having them listen.
Go ahead and grieve.
It's perfectly alright to grieve after a breakup. Don't be hard on yourself if you want to spend a week crying your eyes out and being sad. It's pretty healthy to get all of that out of your system. The people who suppress their feelings about a breakup and never allow themselves to grieve are the ones who will never learn the lessons they need to learn from the experience.
Could you put it down on paper?
Take some time to journal and write down all the thoughts and feelings you have about the breakup. After you've shared your feelings with yourself for a few days, you'll start to notice that you are feeling better. You will be better able to uncover the deeper issues that led to the relationship's end. You will also learn the lessons that were meant for you in that relationship and become much clearer on what you want and need in a relationship.
Don't give in to "The Replacement Theory."
Many people mistakenly believe that the best way to get over someone is to find someone else to replace them. I call this "The Replacement Theory." Unfortunately, this strategy will not help you truly recover from a breakup and may cause you more pain in the future.
Do not start dating someone new too soon after a breakup. Do not start looking for the next relationship before you've taken the time to get over the one that just ended. People who start dating too quickly after a breakup often end up repeating the same failed relationships over and over.
It's all about you.
After a breakup, spend at least 30 days just doing things that you love. Connect with friends. Take long walks. Go to the gym and work out. Do whatever it is that you enjoy. Do things that are good for you. This time should be spent getting healthy and embracing yourself.
Breakups are hard, but it's in the aftermath of a breakup that we learn our greatest lessons. If we can understand the real issues that caused the breakup, then we won't repeat the same failed relationship. So, stop blaming yourself and start looking deep inside yourself. When you do that, you will not just "deal"
With a breakup. You will truly get over it.
