We're going on a date to my vacation home.

There, you'll prove that you're good at managing! How the date turned into a test for 49-year-old Sofia. "I'm not looking for princesses, I want a simple, down-to-earth woman who isn't afraid of work. If you want a serious relationship, then go to my dacha. I'll see what kind of business you are. What kind of woman is she if she can't dig up a garden?" And he was not shy. Because in his worldview, a woman is a domestic staff member with the function of flirting, and if she does not know where the watering gloves are, then she is unfit for a serious life.

First-person story:

First date with shovel and gloves. I'm 49. I went through a divorce, raised a son, built a business in the field of logistics, for three years now I have been confidently standing on my feet - I do not ask for mercy from life and, to be honest, I am in no hurry to get into a relationship where I will again be turned into a universal soldier in the kitchen, in bed and the garden. But curiosity lives in every woman. Especially when you are beautifully courted in a messenger, they send kind voices and say: "You don't give me.

Truly interesting."

And here it is - the sensational first date—his idea: "Enough of these boring cafes and exhibitions. Real women are tested in the field. I'm inviting you to the dacha." Naively, I went. He met me with a bucket, a hoe, and the proposal "to trim the paths, clean the floor, and tie up the garden." Not with compliments, not with wines, not with attention, but with a task: "I will see how resourceful you are." And at first, I tried. Well, why not? I had already arrived, and I didn’t want to go home immediately. I thought: fine, I'll support, we'll laugh, I'll show that I'm not delicate. But after a couple of hours, while I was in sweatpants pulling the hose and gathering dry branches, one thought echoed louder in my head: "Is this a date or a casting for a servant girl?" He wanted a woman who would "prove" that she was worthy.

I don’t fit a domestic role.

I just left for his neighbor's. By four in the afternoon, I was pretty tired. He was still walking around the lot, telling how his ex "was lazy," "didn’t like to work with the earth," "snorted that it wasn’t royal business" - and in general, "a woman must..." is supposed to keep the household in order. If she doesn't want to, then she is not ready for a relationship." Although he did nothing at all, he just stood there talking and directing my work. And then, as a gift from fate, he was interrupted by his neighbor — a man in his fifties, with a velvety voice, cultured manners, and a plate of meat skewers in his hands. He approached the fence, greeted us, looked at me sympathetically, and uttered a phrase that sounded like salvation: "If you want, come over to us; we have something modest today, but it's humanly welcoming." I looked up, put down my gardening tool, smiled at my 'suitor,' and said: "Thank you for the experience, but I don't think I fit the domestic role you are looking for." And I walked over to the neighbor.

First date scandal

Without hysterics and scandals, but also explanations, because a woman does not need to explain why she is not obligated to work hard on a first date. Especially if he stands there doing nothing. Psychological analysis: Where does this obsession with 'female testing' come from? A man who invites a woman to the vacation cottage to show her 'how to cook'.

"What a housekeeper she is,"

This is not about partnership, not about interest, and not about feelings. It's about power, control, and fear. The fear that a woman will be fine without him. The fear that she will not make an effort to keep him. The fear that he doesn't stand out — and then there is a need to check if she is 'worthy.' In this logic, a woman is like an investment. One must invest time and money, but first, make sure the product is reliable. And if on the first date she doesn't cook, doesn't clean, and doesn’t put in effort, it means she doesn't pass the selection. This is not a date. It’s an anti-interview. Who are these men checking women with a spade? They are men who are afraid of being unnecessary.

They are those who grew up in a paradigm:

Where the man is the provider, the woman is the service personnel. But the trouble is: they have stopped being providers, yet they haven't stopped demanding. Behind them are divorces, several failures, and often adult children with whom they have lost contact. They do not want to build a new life. They want the latest woman to fit into their already existing, comfortable, routine life.

Routine, without changes.

And that's why anyone who wants a different scenario evokes their anger. Because a strong woman is their fear. And a weak one is their familiar model. Why do women refuse to participate in this performance? Because they are no longer fifteen. Because they don't want to be in a relationship as if they are at a military recruitment office — "passed the commission, deemed fit for service." Because after decades of marriage, divorce, childbirth, domesticity, and survival, they want respect, not scrutiny. They are no longer willing to prove that they are not lazy. Not ready to become housekeepers at the very first stage. Not prepared to be "reliable" in the understanding of a man who is simply too lazy to build something real. How did this story end? Well, here’s how: I stayed with the neighbor! We sat on the terrace, had some wine, talked about life, books, women, and men. He didn’t ask for proof of my worthiness. He didn’t suggest "cleaning the yard," he was just next to me. Without demands, without a contract of "service for relationships." And you know what I realized? It was a real connection.

Conclusion:

Genuine relationships do not start with a checklist. They begin with respect. If you want a woman to 'prove' she is capable, buy yourself an ultimatum: ' We're going on a date to my vacation home. At least she won’t leave you for the neighbor. A woman is not a set of functions. She is not a vacuum cleaner with a broom. Not a multi-tool. And not an object for testing. If you invite her on a date, create an atmosphere. Show interest. Respect her choices, lifestyle, and desires. Don’t turn it into a test of endurance. Because women no longer take part in auditions for the 'convenient wife.' They choose those who choose them without a checklist. Without tests, without absurd demands. And yes — with kebabs. Preferably warm. And with a lively, interesting person, not with a man who still drives new fools around every weekend.