He suggested we start all over again
When someone says, "Let's start all over again," it usually means they want a fresh beginning — a reset from past mistakes, hurt, or misunderstandings. However, your response depends on the context and your feelings. Upon hearing the suggestion to start over, I remembered the wise words about his suggestion. My Helen broke up with her Victor about five years ago. Well, how did she break up... He left. Quite banal, for a younger woman. He said that the feelings had cooled, that life is short, and he wanted, you see, "fire".Helen was evil then. Twenty-five years soul to soul, it seemed! The house was packed; the son was grown and already had his own family. And then - here it is. He needed fire, as if Helen were just a warm radiator, not a living woman with her soul and desires.
As if Helen were just a warm radiator, not a living woman with her soul and desires. A frame from the movie, Oh, how she cried then. I think she cried out all the tears for a year ahead. Her world collapsed, simply shattered into tiny, sharp shards. She had lived for him, for that Victor. Her entire universe revolved around him. His shirts, his dinners, his mood... And now – emptiness. A ringing, cold, hopeless emptiness. In the first months, she walked around as if in a fog. She lost a significant amount of weight, and her eyes appeared dull. My friends and I supported her as best we could – sometimes we would drag her to a café, sometimes we would just come over to sit and chat about nothing, just to keep her from being alone with her grief. Gradually, the friend began to come back to life. Slowly, reluctantly, but still. She started taking care of herself – she signed up for yoga and refreshed her wardrobe. There was even a certain sparkle in her eyes, not the previous one, but another – somewhat... steely, perhaps. Wise. It was as if she were discovering herself anew, learning to live for herself. And you know, she started to succeed! She suddenly realized that the world is not just about this Victor, that there is so much interesting around. Travels, new acquaintances, just the joy of a quiet morning with a cup of coffee and a good book. She has blossomed! Honestly, she looks better than she did ten years ago. Calm, confident, self-sufficient. We were all happy for her, truly from the heart.
And then, imagine this, he appeared. Victor. After almost five years! He called first. Helen answered – the number was familiar, even though it was erased from her contacts, but you can’t erase memories. His voice was so soft, like, "Helenish, how are you? Do you recognize me? I was thinking. So many years together. Maybe we could meet? Talk?" Helen was initially taken aback. She was utterly flabbergasted. Why? What did he want? So much water had passed under the bridge. But, you know, a woman’s heart is unpredictable. Somewhere deep down, beneath layers of grievances and disappointments, something treacherously stirred. A memory? Pity? Or just curiosity? She agreed. They met at the café where they used to sit on weekends. He came with flowers. He had aged and looked somewhat worn. The former confidence and polish had diminished. He started to speak. And how he spoke. Like a nightingale. About how he was wrong, how he was blind. The other one turned out to be nothing like what he was looking for. That was only with Helen that he was pleased, but alas, he realized this too late.
He realized everything, repented, and couldn't live without her. And what does he want? You won't believe it, he wants to start all over again. A still from the movie 'Love as Adults.' The words flowed like honey, you understand. It was like balm for old wounds. Any woman would probably melt. And my Helen... she is a woman after all, even though she is strong now, but still a woman. She pondered. What if it’s true? What if he has changed? Realized? After all, there were good years, a lot of good things. Maybe it’s worth giving him a chance? For the sake of the past? He started calling and writing. He came to the house and waited near the entrance. Gave her presents. Complimented her. Told her how lonely he was, how he missed her pies, the coziness that only she could create. How that new girlfriend turned out to be selfish, thinking only of herself, and in general, she couldn't cook, and there was no order in the house. You understand, right? The emphasis shifted more and more to his inconveniences, to his longing for comfort. Helen listened, nodded, and inside her, a small but pesky worm of doubt was growing. She looked.
She looked at him, at this man who once was the center of her world, and saw not repentance. No. She saw fatigue and disappointment. But not in her actions, instead in the consequences for him! He did not pity her; he pitied himself – so miserable, ununderstood, disheveled. He said, "Let's start all over! Everything will be different for us!". But in his eyes was a longing for the familiar borscht and clean shirts. He painted a picture of their possible future while recalling how convenient it had been in the past. He swore his love yet complained about the difficulties of lonely life. And Helen looked at him, at his 'sincere' impulses, and suddenly understood. Understood with such clarity that a shiver ran down her skin. It was not love that had returned. It was not repentance that had come. It was merely a search for a convenient option. A return to a safe harbor after a failed voyage. An attempt to glue a broken cup, not because it was precious, but because there was no other at hand. You know, like an old, worn-out, but so familiar robe. It no longer warms.
It's already especially so, and it doesn't look the same, but there is no other option, and looking for a new one is both lazy and troublesome. She listened to his next outpourings about how he 'understood everything' and how he 'wanted to bring their family back,' and suddenly one phrase formed in her mind. Very precise, very biting. A phrase from the magnificent Catherine Deneuve that explained everything. All his flowers, all his words, all his attempts to 'start over.' This thought was so evident that Helen even smirked to herself. How had she not seen it before? It's all so simple! And when he once again looked hopefully into her eyes and asked, "So, Helen?" Shall we try? Let's start fresh? - She calmly replied: 'No, Victor. We will not.' And there was neither anger nor resentment in her voice, just calm, cold confidence. The ship has sailed. Finally, and irrevocably. And why? She finally understood the true meaning of his offer. She understood what a man thinks in such moments. And this thought, brilliant in its simplicity and cynicism, was uttered. Belongs to the wise woman.
Here are a few questions to consider:
Why did things fall apart the first time? Has anything changed since then?
Do you still trust him? Or is there unresolved hurt that needs to be addressed first?
What does “starting over” mean to you? Is it wiping the slate clean, or is it working through the past together?
If you’re open to it but cautious, you could say something like: "I’m willing to talk about what starting over looks like, but only if we’re both ready to do things differently this time." Want help crafting your reply? Or do you want to talk about what went wrong before?, Join Zillove to voice your opinion on our advice platform
