I've rented out my two-room apartment and I'm moving in with you

 I'll save up for a car! You're not mercenary, are you?

The story of 38-year-old Alexandra navigating modern courtship."My son doesn't need much — let him stay in the kitchen, I'll save up for a car for now."How men move into a ready-made life under the guise of love. I've already rented out my two-room apartment, and I'm moving in with you. It's cozy at your place. And your son doesn't need much — he can manage in the kitchen, he's already grown, 14 after all. Meanwhile, I'll save up for a car. You're not mercenary, right?"Here it is, the modern version of a suitor with serious intentions: your mortgage, your daily life, your responsibilities, and he, just taking part. He shows up with the phrase: "You're not with me for the money, right?" and moves in — not into your heart, but into the apartment you have been paying a mortgage for alone for ten years, with a child in your arms. Your son is in the kitchen, you are in the bedroom, and you have plans for the future in the shower.

Where, of course, buying a car is priority number one for him, not for you.

This is not a comedy. This is the story of 38-year-old Alexandra. Intelligent, beautiful, independent. And very tired of men who call partnership love but are looking for somewhere warmer and cheaper. Alexandra got divorced six years ago. She is raising a teenage son. She works as a manager in a large company and has almost finished paying off her mortgage. A one-bedroom apartment in a panel house is her pride. Small, but her own. Clean, cozy, everything in its place. She does everything herself: repairs, school, clubs, vacation — just her and her son, without 'mom's helpers.'

She's been on dating sites for a long time, with varying success.

The men she meets are mostly dreamers — they want a woman who will accept them as they are, preferably with lunch, laundry, coziness, and no expectations. That is, everything they had with their mothers. Only mom didn't require investments, but a woman, who knows, maybe she can. And then one day, He appears. A Moscow man. 'The real deal.' He says he's been looking for someone just like her: intelligent, not spoiled, with values. Not a party girl, not a handbag hunter. He wants comfort, warmth, and care. It sounds beautiful

In reality, it sounds like a test.

Two months of romance. Flowers, movies, taxis, blankets, and conversations about 'serious' matters. He says, 'With you, I feel like I can be myself.' She smiles. She doesn't believe it, but she hopes. Finally, she thinks, he's not a boy with ambitions, but a grown man who knows what he wants. He does know. 'I've already rented out my two-room apartment, I'm moving in with you. Why delay? We work well together, and you cook pretty well, so why should a bachelor live alone? I'm still coming to you almost every day. And what I save up, I'll save for a car.

You're not mercenary, are you?

And here, for the first time, Alexandra does not smile. 'My son doesn't need much; he's already grown. We'll set up a folding bed in the kitchen. He's always on his tablet. It doesn't matter where he is.' This was said by a man who called her into a 'serious relationship.' And in this relationship, the child is supposed to step aside, making room for a man who is renting out his two-room apartment and wants a cozy corner at her expense. He has rented out his two-room apartment in the garden area for a large sum and wants to move into her one-room apartment that is still under mortgage, to save up for a car. '

I'll help you with little things.

Maybe I'll take out the trash. Sometimes I'll cook dinner.' But help is not about dinner. Help is not about taking the only bed in the apartment where her son is growing up. Help is participation, planning, and contribution. Not to make oneself comfortable and save up for oneself, for one's own sake.

Let's call things by their names.

This is not a partner. This is a savvy user of someone else's resources. He sees that the woman has everything stable and offers to 'join efforts.' His effort is to move out of his apartment. Her effort is to accommodate him into her life, space, routine, and at the same time not to be 'mercenary.' The scenario is classic. A man enters a life that is already established and feels offended if he is not let in. 'What, do you want to do everything yourself?' — with defiance. 'Then live alone, since you are so proud,' — with reproach. Because he calls his savings 'love', and her boundary protection 'coldness.' The psychology of such men is simple. They are not harmless romantics. They are predators. They feel comfortable where: There is already coziness; Everything is already organized; Everything is already paid for; And preferably, nothing needs to be changed. They like to say:

I am ready to do everything for you.

But in reality, that "everything" ends up being moving in with you, on the condition that you won't pressure, demand, or ask questions. "You're an adult son," "You're strong," "You can handle everything yourself." And he is there with you. This, in his opinion, is his contribution. Why are such men still so ordinary? Because society has long taught women that the main thing is not to be greedy. The main thing is not to scare someone away.

Don't impose, don't intimidate with your success.

Don't say "this is my apartment," because then you are materialistic, proud, and uncomfortable. Meanwhile, the men who fear responsibility catch this mood and take advantage of it. Alexandra refused. Quietly, politely. She said that her apartment is her and her son's home. And if a man wants to be with her, then it should start with respect and agreement on such actions. He wrote:

You are proud, arrogant, and selfish. I thought you were a friend.

She replied, "I thought so too. Until you rent out your apartment and leave it in front of the fact." The moral here is simple. A woman is not a social elevator. And not a hostel for moving from a comfort zone to a benefit zone. If you rent out your apartment to move into someone else's, and plan to save up for a car while you are fed and tolerated, this is not love. This is manipulation.

You are not a partner, you are a tenant.

Without a contract, without a deposit, without the right to pump rights. And no, a woman who says "no" is not proud. She is an adult. And an adult woman with a mortgage and a son is not a level, it's a responsibility. And respecting her means not getting into her life with a cot and a benefit calculator, but building together. From scratch. Honestly. Without kitchens, where teenagers have to "turn around" while the adult "saves". So, if you were offered a kitchen for your son and a bed for yourself, refuse. Let him save. For an apartment, for adulthood, and respect. And not in the car. At your expense.