"I don't benefit from giving birth in marriage.”
The reasons why more and more women are choosing motherhood outside of marriage or giving birth "for themselves." I gave birth to myself. No, not because things didn't work out, not because 'all men are bastards'. But because I can count, I can conclude, and I know for sure: living with a man and raising a child at the same time is more often a punishment than a partnership in our reality. Marriage is expensive. In every sense. And not for me.When a woman says, 'It's not beneficial for me to give birth in marriage', most men, especially those enamored with the idea of 'traditional values', start to lament in unison about how 'the institution of family has been devalued', 'have forgotten how to be wives', 'want everything at once'. But reality, as it often is, is much more prosaic and at the same time much scarier for those who are accustomed to patriarchal comfort. Women have stopped considering marriage as a guarantee of safety. And not because they have 'become spoiled', but because they have learned how to live. Without pain. Without tyranny. Without explanations. And without a man who wants to be a husband only in status, but not in content.
The story of Cathrine asserted that giving birth does not mean condemning oneself to loneliness. I was 32 when I realized: I no longer want to postpone motherhood because I'm waiting for some abstract 'suitable man.' Before that, there were relationships. There were prospects. There were even discussions about starting a family. But then it would suddenly turn out that 'he's not ready yet,' 'let's live for ourselves,' 'why have a child if we just bought an apartment?' At some point, I understood — no one will be ready. Most of the men I met viewed a child as a toy or an obligation that shouldn't interfere with their lives. And I didn't want to be that woman who would give birth, hoping that a man would suddenly mature and start sharing not only the bed with her but also the sleepless nights. I understood that if I was going to wait, it was better to stay alone, at least without the extra 'where are my socks?' and 'you didn't make the soup.' I gave birth. For myself and without marriage. Without a show. Without a dress and restaurants. And you know what? It was the most sober and mature decision of my life.
Why don't women associate having a child without marriage, a woman no longer "sits at home" and dreams of a man "providing" for her. She works. Builds a career, earns money, constructs housing. Plans investments. And when she is offered to "get married and then think about children," the first thing she looks at is divorce statistics, the average amount of alimony in the country, and that in most cases, after a divorce, the woman is left with the child. At the same time, the man moves on to new relationships. Being married to a child is not a guarantee that a woman will not be alone. It is almost a hundred percent guarantee that one day she will be alone, only now with the emotional, physical, and financial burdens that she will have to carry herself. Why marriage is more of a risk than protection: Because all these "let's have a baby, you'll just sit at home on maternity leave," and then "I work, I get tired, you are at home all day" sound familiar in many families. "Family values" often turn out to be a set of duties placed on a woman under the guise of love and responsibility. Because a woman must "keep up."
Everything, and a man can come home tired after a long day and lie down while she is ironing children's pajamas and cooking soup for tomorrow at three in the morning. Marriage, in most cases, is a contract without obligations for the man and with full responsibility for the woman. And if suddenly the woman is tired, not well-rested, does not want intimacy, hasn't had time to cook dinner — she is already a 'bad wife.' But if a man lives in the house and pays the bills, he is already a 'good guy.' Motherhood is a personal choice, not a collective duty. The modern woman knows how to live alone. And this no longer sounds like a curse. It sounds like freedom. She is not afraid of loneliness. She has friends, work, goals, interests, knowledge, and strength.
She knows how to handle money. She understands that giving birth is not a collapse, but a stage. That breastfeeding is not the end of a career, but just a temporary pause. She knows that a child needs not just a father 'in name,' but a father through actions. And if such a person is not nearby, it's better not to trouble herself at all. Raising a child alone is not worse than raising a child with a man who demands attention, is sensitive, emotionally deaf, and competes with the baby for care. Why does this freedom scare and irritate? Because it cannot be controlled. It cannot be blackmailed with a stamp. It cannot be manipulated with phrases like "who will take you with a child?" Because a woman no longer needs approval to consider herself complete. She has a passport, a diploma, a mortgage, her child's passport, and a bank account. And she doesn’t have to prove that she is a "woman" by someone else’s criteria.
The conclusion: giving birth in marriage is not a dream, it is a deal. And modern women have learned to calculate. When a man says, "A woman should give birth in marriage," he often means not care, but control. Not participation, but status. And a woman who gives birth to herself is not a mistake, not a sadness, and not a tragedy. It is a conscious choice. Because in life with a child, she needs assistance, support, a partner, not an adult son with rights.With the right to vote and without the desire to do anything. And you know what is the most frightening thing for such men? That a woman gave birth, survived, coped, and never regretted it.
