I am married to a pathological liar.
Noticing inconsistencies in her husband's requests, the woman decided to ask his ex. Noticing discrepancies in her husband's requests, the woman decided to ask his ex-wife.- My husband has told me many times that his ex-wife stripped him bare. And I believed him. However, I now have doubts about the money. This question, filled with confusion and heavy suspicions, started the woman's post on one of the popular forums. Hanne, a middle-aged woman as she described herself, met Igor two years ago. He seemed to be the perfect man to her. Charming, attentive, with sad eyes and a tragic story behind him. The gentleman was divorced. According to him, it was very hard for him, primarily due to financial constraints.- I left her everything, Paris, you understand, everything down to the penny, - he said with a heavy sigh, looking at her with his honest, penetrating gaze.- The apartment, the car, all our savings. I left in the clothes I was wearing. I thought it would be the right thing to do since she had our son. A man should be noble. This story of "noble" self-sacrifice touched.
Hanne felt deeply for him. Having herself gone through a difficult divorce, she developed a deep sympathy for Martin. She wanted to warm him up, support him, and help him get back on his feet. And she did help. When they started living together in her apartment, it turned out that Martin, apart from his 'lack of savings', had a bunch of small debts and loans. - It's all echoes of the past, - he explained. - After the divorce, it was so hard, I had to borrow from here and there. And Hanne, sighing, covered his debts from her modest savings. He regularly asked her for money 'to help his son.' - The boy needs this and that. My ex calls and demands. And I can't refuse, he's my child. Hanne, being a mother herself, understood this perfectly and gave him money without asking too many questions. She trusted him. The first discrepancies began to appear over time in this touching story. Martin, who supposedly 'gave everything' to his ex-wife, for some reason, continued to live extravagantly. He bought expensive gadgets for himself, changed his wardrobe, and often dined with 'business partners' in good restaurants.
When Hanne timidly asked where he got the money from, he brushed it off: 'Oh, it's just some odd jobs here and there, old debts paid back. Don't worry, dear, everything will be fine soon. I'm about to close a big deal, and we will live like kings.' He also asked for money for his son in a strangely odd way. The amounts were always round, and the explanations were vague. Moreover, the son never once called to thank his father, nor did he ever visit, although, as Martin said, they lived in the same city. 'I started to feel uneasy about this,' Hanne wrote on the forum. 'There was some kind of falsehood in all his stories. He said that his ex-wife was constantly 'demanding' money, constantly asking me for it. Yet he looked like a successful businessman, not a 'destitute' poor man. Something didn't add up.' The final straw was when Martin asked her for a large sum 'for a summer camp for his son.' Reluctantly, Hanne gave it. A couple of days later...I accidentally met a mutual acquaintance in the store who briefly mentioned that she had seen Martin's ex-wife with their son, and they were just about to go on vacation... to her parents' village.
There was no mention of any summer camp. And at that moment, Hanne realized that she could no longer live in this fog of lies and suspicions. She had to find out the truth. One message that changed everything. She took a long time to make a decision. It seemed wrong and unethical to her. But doubts gnawed at her from the inside. She found the phone number of his ex-wife in Martin's old documents and, gathering her courage, sent a text message introducing herself and asking the main question. — I apologize for the tactlessness, but Martin said that after the divorce, he left you all the property. Is that true? The answer came almost instantly. Dry, abrupt, like a slap in the face. — He didn't leave me a penny. He took everything that could be taken, down to the last fork. He left me only an old car, on which he had taken out a loan himself, and moved out. He doesn't help his son. He hasn't sent a single penny in child support in two years.
Moreover, not only that, but I was constantly giving him money. I'm glad I got him out of my life. Don't believe a single word he says. According to Hanne, the ground seemed to disappear from under her feet. This whole story about the 'noble' husband, the 'demanding' ex-wife, the 'helping his son' – it all turned out to be brazen, cynical lies. He didn't just lie to her. He took advantage of her sympathy, her money, her kindness, to live as he pleased, covering himself with a fabricated tragedy. Forum, Shocked and crushed, Hanne wrote on the forum. She told the whole story, from beginning to end. And she asked, 'Girls, what should I do now?' How do I talk to him? Who should I believe? Maybe the ex-wife is lying to discredit him. How can I check who is telling the truth? The comments varied, but most agreed on one thing: Igor is a skilled manipulator, and Hanne is his victim. Run while you still can': — Hanne, there’s nothing to check here. Of course, the ex is telling the truth. Your Martin is a classic gigolo and liar. He found in you a convenient, trusting.
A trusting woman who just lives off you. Kick him to the curb before he puts his debts on you, too. "Testing for Lies": — Want proof? Ask him to show the receipts or money transfers that he supposedly sent to his son. Ask for the son's phone number, so you can "personally congratulate him on something." Watch his reaction. I’m sure he will start squirming like a snake on a hot pan. "You're to Blame": — Where were your eyes? A man comes to you with not a penny to his name, lives in your apartment, drains money from you, and you take him at his word. Women, when will you learn to think with your head, not your ears? You brought a snake to your bosom, and now you’re complaining. "Straight Talk": — You need to talk to him directly without accusations. Simply state that you spoke with his ex-wife, and her account of events differs significantly from his. And see what he does. A liar always reveals himself. When silence is acceptance, Martin chose the last option. She waited for Martin to return.
She came home in a good mood and, calmly looking him in the eye, said, "Martin, I spoke with your ex-wife today." His face changed. The confident smile fell, and fear appeared in his eyes. — And what did she tell you? – he hissed. — She said you left her nothing. And that you have never helped your son. Is that true? Maritn started to squirm. He shouted that she was "lying on purpose to ruin our happiness." He accused Hanne of "interfering in his past." But he never once, not a single word, refuted the words of his ex-wife. He didn’t say: "No, that’s a lie; I help her, here’s the proof." A scene from the series "Diplomat". "And at that moment, – Hanne wrote in her last message on the forum, – I needed no further evidence. His wandering eyes, his aggression instead of facts – all of it was more eloquent than any words. I understood everything. He simply lives for his pleasure, spending money on himself, while telling everyone around tales of his 'hard fate'. And he doesn’t even have his apartment.
He never had it, only with his parents. First, he lived with his first wife, and now with me. He has it good. I don't know what will happen next. Probably, I will have to divorce him. I can't live with a person who cynically and for so long has lied to me. I thought I was saving a noble man, but it turned out I was supporting an ordinary liar and egotist. And this disappointment, you know, is much more painful than lost money. It is a loss of faith. Faith that after forty, it is still possible to meet a decent person.
" Have you encountered such 'storytellers'? Or perhaps the ex is 'exaggerating'?
A man who consistently spends more than he has and frequently lies about everything is often called a pathological liar or a compulsive liar. This behavior can be part of a larger pattern of dishonesty and may be linked to underlying psychological conditions.
Pathological lying:
This involves a persistent, pervasive, and often compulsive pattern of excessive lying that causes significant impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of life. Pathological liars may fabricate stories, embellish details, and even engage in self-harming lies to gain attention, pity, or other benefits.
Compulsive lying:
While sometimes used interchangeably with pathological lying, compulsive lying may involve a more ingrained habit of telling falsehoods, even when there's no apparent motive or benefit. These individuals may struggle to distinguish truth from lies and may continue to lie even after their falsehoods are exposed.
Mythomania:
This term is sometimes used synonymously with pathological lying or compulsive lying, referring to the tendency to fabricate stories and fantasies.
Other potential links:
Pathological lying can sometimes be a symptom of other mental health conditions, such as personality disorders (antisocial, narcissistic, histrionic), anxiety disorders, depression, or impulse control disorders. It's essential to recognize that these terms describe a pattern of behavior, and professional assistance may be necessary to address the underlying causes and their potential impact on relationships and overall well-being.
