Why do so many relationships break down at 30s?

We began dropping like flies, one divorce or breakup after another...Things started so well. My wedding day was perfect. The sun shone down on the 15th-century castle we'd hired for a hundred guests, even though it was April in Ireland. I wore a silk and lace gown with hundreds of tiny sequins, and I was marrying the man I'd been with for three years.

We met while working for a charity, and we both shared a passion for trying to make the world a better place. We imagined ourselves living overseas and probably having a baby in a year or so. He was straightforward, kind, and supported me. Surely marriage would be easy... Yet just a year later, I was contemplating divorce.

 Things seemed to change at our first anniversary when we went to Germany for a friend's wedding. On that trip, I remember wondering: Is this all there is? Spending whole days apart on holiday, because I wanted to go to museums, and he wanted to shop? Having to beg him to turn off his work emails for a few days? Coming home and not speaking for hours at a time. At the time, I dismissed these as silly doubts. There was no question of it not working out. And all my friends seemed happily settled too, and my parents and sister had both been married since they were teenagers - I didn't know how to admit to them marriage wasn't quite what I'd hoped for. I told myself it was just being naïve, special, and perfect. But things continued to change. I would lie awake at night and wonder about leaving - where would I live? We owned a beautiful house together, and I hadn't rented in years. I would even get a place on my free mate, especially not when most of my friends were seriously staying.

What, where is nothing. Would Rage to Neath look after our dog? Who'd get the car? Catherine and Yared had children? Couldn't face the final decision to leave, so I put it off, frightened of what abuse they might be on the other side. However, I was amazed when the yearly break-ups began. One day, my friend emailed us to say she was leaving her husband of five years, and that things had not been right for a long time. He said we could work on it, see a therapist, which we did try, with little success. He kept insisting that the ex-ran was giving up too easily, refusing to face up to the struggle. Just a few weeks after Michelle's revelation, our friend Cathy called off her wedding on a day they were looking at venues for an elaborate celebration. The next day, it was over, and she'd moved out of their house. It seemed as if the break-ups sent seismic waves through our friendship. The fact that they may not have been that happy. It didn't go well. I realized then that I couldn't keep putting off the decision about my worried marriage only way could do it was in small steps found a flat, moved out and finally worked up the courage to tell friends/With one in being at lunch Know Why Donald ready free to tell her my news then she blurted mouthed by getting divorced.' Seed has been with her husband for years, and I had no idea anything was wrong. All I could think to say was, 'Um...me too.

 My biggest surprise was how easy it is to hide an unhappy marriage from your friends. Russ had no idea they were on the brink of a split, and neither did I. I only told my parents a month before I moved out. Ease the wedding. They were shocked, but supportive. It made me realize I should have spoken to people sooner, explaining that our marriage, on the surface so great, with our lovely house and exotic holidays, was falling apart. It might have made me face the problems sooner, rather than hoping that The Genesis of tweaks could have saved our marriage, but then I would have had the courage to end it. Over the following year, as I was moving all my things out and trying to start my life again, four other friends experienced significant breaks, like a domino effect of divorces. We were all in our early to mid-thirties, without children, from various full, undecided, and Democratic relationships since our twenties. In most cases, the splits happened because people sat down, grew apart, and changed, starting to want different things from life. My friends are suited to watch the ambitious, high-flying people, and maybe that makes it harder to compromise - or perhaps we choose the people and lives we thought we should want, rather than what we need.

I'm not sure if I would get married again. I would feel strange making those vows, knowing how impossible it is to promise things on behalf of your future self. I wish we had thought about that more carefully before getting married, and that I'd been clearer about what I wanted from life instead of just trying to support him. But three years on, I am in a committed relationship, doing work I enjoy and living a life I love. All it took was that one leap of bravery, and perhaps a bit of that domino effect.