"I wanted a queen, and I will pay for her crown!"
How men dream of a beauty but run away when they see the bill for her cosmetics and clothes? I clearly remember that day. He sat across from me, looking at me with loving eyes, and said, "I saw you and immediately understood." Here she is — my woman. So beautiful, so well-groomed. Like a queen. And I smiled then, a bit awkwardly, as I always do when I hear compliments. Not because I don’t believe them, just behind every 'well-groomed' I know the price. Not a poetic one, but the most literal. The one that shows up in the bill from the beauty salon, in a new serum for 4200, and in tights that don’t crumble up around the knees. He loved to say that 'a woman should be an inspiration.' And I inspired him. Especially compared to his exes, he is ‘never satisfied, without makeup, in stretched t-shirts.' He repeated that with someone like me, you want to go out, on vacation, and take photos for a profile picture. But one day, he spoiled everything with the question: "Why do you need another pair of shoes?" You already have black ones. And it was then, after...
And it was then, after six months of our relationship, that I truly looked at him for the first time. And I realized: this man wanted a queen. But he didn't understand how much a kingdom costs—the story of Margarita. We had been dating for almost eight months. It all started perfectly. Bouquets, restaurants, 'you are so special.' He said he dreamed of a woman with charm, taste, and manners. I tried to match that - not for him, but because that's how I live. I can't go without perfume, without skincare, without the salon every two weeks. It's not a whim. It's my lifestyle, my way of being myself. But when everyday life set in, questions started to arise. - Can you get a cheaper cream? - Why do you need a manicure so often? - Mascara for three thousand? Are you out of your mind? I didn't notice at first: his 'you inspire me' turned into 'stop spending.' And his 'I love your beauty' changed to 'this is all unnecessary.' He started looking at me like an accountant and checking expenses, asking questions about every purchase. And me? At first, I justified myself. Then I got angry, then I fell silent. And then I realized - the problem.
Not in me. He wanted a woman with a cover girl appearance but thought that it was all natural. He wanted eyelashes like an actress's but mascara for $5. He wanted nails to be shiny but not gel, just 'regular polish at home'. He wanted me to look expensive but spend cheaply. And in that lay all the truth. A man dreams of a 'queen' but genuinely does not understand: her beauty is not a coincidence. It's hard work. It's time. It's money. He thinks creams, treatments, clothes, and hairstylists are all frivolous. And then he goes for the one who is 'natural' and later looks at the 'made-up' ones on his phone. Who is to blame for this illusion? Yes, we all are. And the girls who are silent and take care of themselves in secret. And the men to whom no one explained that glamour costs money. And the culture that broadcasts 'be well-groomed but not mercenary.' But how? How, excuse me, to be beautiful when you have three jobs and still have to 'look like a million'? When he told me again, he said, "You could spend less if you wanted to." It's not that important. — I understood.
We have different understandings of importance. He spent on the gym, on his car, and new gadgets. And that was considered normal. But my expenses were seen as frivolous. He wasn’t willing to pay, not because he couldn’t, but because he didn’t understand. He didn’t see the point in taking care of oneself. He wanted the effect but didn’t value the process. I left. Not in a fit of hysteria. Not with a scandal. I just left because I was tired of explaining. Tired of phrases like 'why do you need this?' and 'you spend too much.' Because I don’t have to be cheap to be loved, I don’t have to refuse care to prove that I’m 'not materialistic.' If a man believes that being well-groomed is 'just like that,' then let him love without filters. And if he wants beauty, let him respect the effort that goes into achieving it. What does psychology say? Men who refuse to understand the financial aspect of a woman’s beauty often live in the illusion of 'natural grooming.' They were raised on images of 'the girl next door,' but forgot that behind those images were beauticians, stylists, and makeup artists. Such a man...
Such a man idealizes appearance but is not ready to support it, because it requires resources, maturity, and understanding the value of women's work. Advice to women: Don’t cut your spending to be 'convenient.' Don’t pretend that beauty is free. Don’t make every visit to the salon. If a man doesn’t understand that your face is also your job, then he is not your man. In a relationship, there is no obligation to pay. But there is an obligation to respect. To respect how you take care of yourself. To respect your choices. To respect your labor. The conclusion? Straightforward. If he wants a queen, let him understand that a kingdom requires investment. Not just financial, but also emotional and human. And if, to all his exclamations: 'Why do you need new shoes?' you want to answer: 'Because I am not a slave in sweatpants. I am a woman, beautiful and well-groomed, and taking care requires funds. And if you don’t see that, then you are not a king.'
