The husband is the head of the family
Which means the money will be in my hands, he said, demanding my salary, otherwise you'll spend it all on yourself.— Give me your salary. I am a man, I make the decisions. She froze. This was not a joke. This was her husband. He worked less. Earned less, too. But still considered himself the "head," the "strategist," the "responsible one." And therefore, the financial manager. With other people’s money, of course. The irony is that this "strategist" didn’t know how much laundry detergent costs. But he certainly knew how a "real woman" should behave:— Obedient. Accommodating.— And transferring all her salary for "management." That is – to his card. Is being a "head" a profession?
In his logic, everything is simple: he has a Y chromosome – therefore, he is the chief of the tribe. And you, woman, are subordinate. It doesn’t matter who works harder. It doesn’t matter whose money feeds the children. What matters is one thing: he is the man, and that settles it. No, don’t laugh. He truly believes that "head of the family" is a title by birthright. Even if his contribution to the family budget is just a few coins and a lot of complaints, a woman with money is a threat. Men who demand control over women's salaries are afraid not only of the money. They are so scared of an independent woman. A woman who has her means: - can leave and may not tolerate. - Can ask questions. And that is already dangerous. It's better to carefully take control of her finances under the guise of 'care'. Dear, I'm planning the budget. Then manipulatively: - Don't you trust me? We're a family! And then ultimatum: - If you don't hand it over, you don't respect me. Meaning, you're ungrateful. The story of Vera, 33 years old. "He said he wanted to 'prove his worth.' But he was proving it at my expense. I was working hard freelancing while he stayed at home looking for a 'suitable job'. In reality, he was watching a series. At some point, he demanded that I transfer my entire salary to his card.
The argument? - You don't know how to manage it. You have impulsive spending. I asked: - And your spending on video game rental, is that conscious? A conscious family contribution? He got offended. He went to his mom. Now he sometimes writes: "You destroyed the marriage." But I didn't destroy it. I just didn't pay anymore for someone else's inferiority complex. Who are these men who demand money and power? Insecure ones. They don't need a family, but a subordinate. Their self-esteem relies on the fact that someone obeys them. Mama's boys. They grew up when mom decided everything, but made it seem like dad was the 'head' of the household. Then they try to replicate the same scenario in marriage. Lazy alphas. They love the status of being 'men', but don't like to pay the bills. They're ready to 'lead', but only in theory. In real life, they sleep until noon and send their wives to work or just earn very little.
Why do women agree? - Because they are afraid. Afraid of destroying the family. Afraid of being accused of selfishness. Afraid that no one else will 'accept' them. Afraid that they can't do without him. And also because that's how they were taught: - A man is the main thing. - A woman is the keeper of the hearth. - Money is not a woman's business. And there she is, an adult, educated, with a profession. With her profession, she sits and gives her salary to a guy who can't even assemble a wardrobe from IKEA, but knows that 'a real man is someone who leads.' Where is the love here? There is none. There is fear. There is a script. There is a childish 'you must endure, because that’s how it is.' But there is no love, partnership, or respect. What to do about it? Don’t be ashamed to talk about money. It’s not 'mercantilism.' It’s maturity. Respect your work. You work — therefore, you have the right to decide where the money goes.
Don’t confuse 'leadership' with dominance. The head of the family is not the boss. He is a partner. If you are placed below, this is not a family; this is exploitation. Listen to your intuition. If you feel that something is wrong, it likely is. Understand: whoever demands money is not a leader, but a parasite. A man who respects a woman will never require that she hand over her salary to him because respect is not something that can be bought. The end. If he demands that you give him all your salary, saying that 'you don’t know how to manage your finances,' it signifies... (the sentence is cut off). "to command," while he sits on the couch and demands respect — you are not in a family. You are in a system: — Where the man is a king on a throne. — And you are a free taxpayer, a servant, and a sponsor. And you have the right to leave this game. Because "the head of the family" is not a title based on gender. It is the one who leads the family, not the one who lives at its expense.
