What lies behind the phrase about a "housekeeping and understanding"

What lies behind the phrase about a "housekeeping and understanding" woman that a 53-year-old man dreamed of in words? Men over fifty are cunning.

Not brazenly, not out of malice. They deceive themselves. And then they sincerely broadcast this to the world about the "housekeeping and understanding" woman they want to see by their side. I realized this when I started dating Yared. My comment. I know this story from my acquaintance, who loved to boast about how things turned out. But don’t rush to conclusions, read to the end. The ending of the story is quite curious. A still from the series "Feud" A still from the series "Feud"The story is told from the perspective of an acquaintance. He was 53. A successful entrepreneur, reserved, ironic, with a slight gray at the temples. Which made him look like a character from European cinema. Divorced, with adult children living separately. After several unsuccessful dates with men who sought in me either a mother or a silent listener, Yared seemed to me a breath of fresh air.

I could talk to him. About everything. But on the third date, he said that exact filtering phrase. - You know, I’m so tired of all these dramas, of strong and independent women, - he said, looking at me with his piercing gaze. - As you get older, you realize that what you want is peace. You want to come home and smell pies. You want to have a simple, understanding woman next to you. One who won’t argue but will just hug you. He said this, and I felt as if an invisible curtain had fallen between us. I mentally checked the box for 'incompatibility.' I’m 48, and I’m a department head at a marketing agency. My home smells not of pies, but like coffee beans and perfume. And the last thing I would do if I thought a man was wrong is to hug him silently. I was sure that our meetings would come to an end. I didn’t fit his description. Not at all. But to my amazement, he kept calling. And I, intrigued by this contradiction...

Wifeliness

Intrigued by this contradiction, I continued to agree to meetings. I decided to see what would happen if I didn't pretend and stayed true to myself — 'unwifely' and 'uncomprehending'. Incompatibility No. 1: 'Wifeliness' One Saturday, he called and said: — Maybe I’ll drop by your place in the evening? I want a cozy home atmosphere. I realized this was a hint for a home-cooked dinner. I imagined myself at the stove, in an apron, and felt nauseous. That day, I had deadlines for two projects, and I barely had time to take a shower. When he arrived, I greeted him in jeans and with two boxes in my hands. — Hi! I thought it would be a crime to spend the evening cooking. So I ordered the best pizza in town. I hope you don't mind. He paused for a second. I saw disappointment flash in his eyes. He was expecting our traditional dish and cutlets, but got a cardboard box. But then he looked at me — energetic, pleased with my decision — and his expression changed. Curiosity appeared in his eyes. — Pizza? — he asked again.

Understanding  

And you are a dangerous woman. We spent the whole evening sitting on the floor, eating pizza straight from the box, and arguing about which director is better — Nolan or Villeneuve. He left late at night, and I could see that he was not disappointed. He was intrigued. He didn’t get a "housewife," but he got an enjoyable evening. Incompatibility #2: "Understanding" A week later, he had a conflict with a major client. He called me, his voice was tense and angry. — The client doesn’t understand anything about the order. He wants to "add some touches" to the website in the spirit of "everything is good, but it needs to be redone." I knew that the "understanding" woman should have said at that moment: "Darling, you’re right. He’s just being (untranslatable pun), don’t pay attention." But I said something different. — Yared, wait. You showed me the website project. Are you sure that your solution is the only correct one? Maybe the client just wants to feel important? Is there a way to play this out so it looks stylish and he remains satisfied? On the other end of the line, there was silence.

Availability

Silence fell. — So, you are on his side now? He asked in an icy tone. — I'm not on his side. I'm on the side of your project and your nerves. Sometimes you need to be flexible. He muttered something and hung up. I was sure that was the end. But the next morning, he sent a message: "You were right. I found a compromise. Thank you. You make my brain work." He didn't receive blind "understanding." He got a partner who made him look at the problem from a different angle. He got an equal. Incompatibility No. 3: "Availability" Yared was used to women always being happy to receive his call and ready to drop everything for a meeting with him. But I had my own life. I had my job, my friends, and my English lessons twice a week. — How about dinner on Wednesday? He suggested at one point. — I can't, I have classes, I replied. — Cancel it, — he simply said. — I won't cancel it, I replied just as simply. — It's my time. But I'm free on Thursday. He was puzzled. He was used to being the center of the universe for a woman. And I…

You are not right for me.

And I showed him that he is an important, but not the only, planet in my galaxy. He had to adjust. He had to earn my time. And it turned out that this excited him much more than a woman sitting by the phone waiting for his call. The climax came three months later. We were sitting in his car outside my house. "I don’t understand," he said, staring straight ahead. "You are the complete opposite of what I was looking for. You don’t cook, you argue with me, you always have your things going on. You are not right for me. Completely." "I know," I replied calmly, my heart sinking. "Maybe it’s better for us..." "But why," he interrupted, turning to me, and I saw absolute confusion in his eyes, "why do I not want to let you go?" And then he told me about his first marriage. His ex-wife was perfect. The very 'housewife and understanding one.' She completely dissolved into him. She anticipated his desires, never argued, and her world revolved around him.

And after ten years, I realized that I was dying of boredom, — he confessed. — I would come home, and there was silence: no arguments, no laughter, no life. I was talking to a shadow. When we divorced, I decided that the problem was not with her but with me. I convinced myself that I just didn’t appreciate my happiness. And I decided to find the same thing. A quiet harbor. He looked at me. — And then you appeared. Not a harbor, but a whole ocean. With storms, with currents. And for the first time in many years, I felt alive. Words told me I was looking for a woman who would gaze into my mouth. But in reality, I was drawn to someone who looks in the same direction as I do, but isn’t afraid to say that I’m going the wrong way. And I understood. A 50-year-old man who dreams of a “domestic and understanding” woman is looking for not a servant, but a shoulder to cry on. He’s looking for a partner. He wants to see not a reflection next to him but a complete personality. He wants not comfort but life. He wants a woman for whom he needs to become better, not one next to whom he can relax and degenerate. He just fears admitting it to himself. Because it requires strength, and he thinks he's tired. But in reality, he's just bored. This was the story and opinion of an acquaintance. My comment. A frame from the series 'Rivalry'. She lived with Yared for 2 years. But what happened next?. The man eventually got tired of the 'incompatibility'. Arguments began. You always argue with me, just agree. And in the end, they broke up. Now the acquaintance believes that after 50, a man in a relationship wants to have agreement on everything.

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