We have a patriarchal society!

A wife must obey her husband, I am the head, and I have the final word! How fans of patriarchy dream of subjugating women.— I am the husband, and I said how it should be.— And I am a person. And I said — screw you. This dialogue is not from a movie or a forum. It is an excerpt from a real conversation of a real couple, where the man suddenly remembered that he is the 'head of the family' and therefore should make all the decisions. The wife, in his opinion, must 'keep quiet', not contradict him, and be grateful that she was taken at all. But he was a bit mistaken in his calculations. We no longer live in a hut with a clay floor, where a woman depended on a sack of flour and winter boots. Instead, the opposite — he relied on her. The story of Anna. 36 years old. One marriage. One 'king'. And one awakening. Anna met Anthony at a conference. Intelligent, mature, 40 years old, confident. At first, it seemed — this is it. He courted her beautifully, brought flowers, and talked a lot about traditions, about a strong family where the man is the protector and the woman is the guardian. It sounded beautiful, she agreed. They moved in together, and then it went according to the script, which later they say: "He changed suddenly." In reality, he didn't change; he just took off the mask.

Anthony started with little things:

You have to cook every day, I work," "Why are you arguing with me, I am the man," "You shouldn't wear short dresses, you are married." A year later, complete control. He called Anna's salary "a useless waste of time," her opinion "hysteria," and any "no" – a sign of disrespect to the "head of the family." He didn't particularly strive to be an example. He earned money but didn't invest in the house; she often bought groceries with her own money. Meanwhile, he demanded: food, respect, sex, silence. Once he said, "You shouldn't argue." We have a patriarchy.

I decide. To which Anna, putting down the salad knife, replied:

Then you can cook the soup yourself and make the salad, respected sultan, while I go to the movies with a friend." And she filed for divorce because she was tired. The modern "head of the family" shouts more than decides. There is a special category of men. They are not ready to listen, to take into account, or to match. It is easier for them to live by the scheme "I said — you did." Their idol is a dad from the 80s, who roars from the sofa and demands tea while his wife retreats with a pot. But there is one nuance: the wife is no longer the same. She also works, has an education, money, and her own opinion. She knows how to live alone and is not afraid to move into a studio without curtains, but with peace of mind. And when an adult man stands next to her, who has only learned one phrase: "A wife must!", he is surprised why she is packing her suitcase. Why can't they manage women? Because strength is no longer measured by shouting. Strength lies in partnership.

In asking: "What do you want?"

Rather than giving orders. In not pointing the way but walking together. But the "patriarch" does not know how to do that. He believes that a woman next to him is a resource. For comfort. For usefulness, for status. And when this resource suddenly says, "I am not a slave, I am a human being," he is shocked. — "What kind of generation has come! All women have become bold!"

No, darling. They have just learned to respect themselves. Where does this mindset of "I said it so that it will be" come from? From family. Where mom served dad, and dad demanded, where love was confused with submission, and care with pliability. From movies, where the heroes are brutal, silent types who get women without dialogue. From society, where forums still say: "A woman should obey. He’s a man!" But these men forget that women now have not only a voice, they have a choice.

And it often sounds like this:

Do you want patriarchy? Get yourself a housekeeper. What do women feel next to such 'kings'? Exhaustion. Constant, unnoticed, destructive. The impossibility of being themselves. No words, no freedom. Resentment for being ignored. For all the decisions being made without them. And then one day, internal protest: "I no longer want to be in a relationship where I am controlled." And then comes the realization: he is not a leader but a controller. Not strong, but scared. Not the head of the family, but a little boy who found himself a doll with the function of "yes, dear."

The result:

The woman leaves. And he does not understand why. He sincerely does not know how one could fail to appreciate his 'masculine position.' He thinks he did everything right: directed, commanded, and made decisions. But the truth is different. Women no longer choose a 'dictator.' They prefer a man with whom they can live, not just survive. With whom they can argue, without fear. They can be different and not fear punishment for it. The end. Who needs a wife, and who an enslaved person? If you want a woman by your side, learn to listen. If you want to be a leader, start with respect. If you dream of being obeyed, stop shouting. Because a real man does not need to declare: 'I am the head' — he is there. And he is trusted.

And the one who shouts:

We have patriarchy! You are obligated! Most often ends up alone. With an empty fridge and memories of how he was once refused, he remembered how the woman had chosen freedom. Without titles. Without permissions. But with herself in the leading role. They argued about how long our union would last. Hello, "My Family"! I was puzzled recently. It turns out that my acquaintance is "fuming" that I got married for the second time. My husband and I met eight months ago. At first, we communicated over the phone, and then things took off... And he took me to marry him. Before that, he was officially married a long time ago, then he had unofficial relationships, but that's not the point.

This acquaintance knows not only me but also him – they have met at various events. There was nothing between them, meaning she had no personal interest. She has her own man with whom she has been dating for a long time – I don't know the details, I'm not interested. And once during a meeting, this acquaintance coldly remarked, commenting on my marriage, that she had never been married. Moreover, she repeated it to ensure I would remember this information. I was surprised but let the jab slide. Then we crossed paths again, and she told me that she had bet with mutual acquaintances on how long our marriage would last.

I didn't react at all, but I am still in deep confusion:

Even if we are not a couple, who cares? She doesn't want to get married to her man, but I don't comment on that decision or make sneering remarks about it. I suppose it might be jealousy. After all, she mentioned two other acquaintances from our circle who recently got married. They also irritate her. Plus, it is all made worse by the fact that my husbands, both current and previous, are not insignificant people in this circle. But for me, the stamp in the passport didn't matter; I would have lived this way anyway, so I didn't expect such a reaction from anyone. Marriage nowadays is not an end goal, but just one type of relationship.

Everyone chooses what is convenient for them.

I wasn't in a hurry to get married the first time either. I remember when I was 17, the young man I was dating proposed to me. "What a fool!" I thought. "Who wants to get married right after school?" And I immediately broke up with him. I only got married when I wanted children. I decided that I could raise one on my own, but I like it. I want to have a partner, so I do need marriage after all. I didn't even know that this acquaintance had never been married. She has an adult son; I thought she was married. No, I understand we can gossip – we are all human, but to get annoyed, to envy...